Raising a Powerhouse Daughter
In honor of Women’s History Month, I certainly felt it necessary to discuss my role in raising the next generation of women, my daughter, our powerhouse – Suri Snow! It’s important for me that Suri has a strong foundation in these formative years so that she’s equipped to unapologetically move through a world that may not always make space for her.
Speaking Life to Her
Proverbs 18:21 says, “the tongue has the power of life and death.” Growing up Jamaican, parents and extended relatives could literally crush your entire existence with their words. I’m still unlearning this behavior as an adult.
In our household, we only speak positively to and about our children; Suri is very cognizant of everything we say. We are very intentional in the choices of words we use. From my pregnancy with Suri, I could feel what a remarkable person she would be. She is very spirited and persistent, and I would not have it any other way. I also don’t allow anyone to project negative words onto her. I remember once her Pop Pop said she’s entering the “terrible twos.” I quickly corrected him and let him know it’s a “challenging time in which she’s coming into her own and not yet able to express herself verbally.”
By choosing positive words to describe Suri, we ultimately help her form her identity – essentially how she sees herself. These are some of the words we’ve replaced in describing Suri.
Positive Word Replacements
Strong-Willed —> Spirited
Stubborn —> Persistent
Wild —> Energetic
Dramatic —> Expressive
Fussy —> Selective
Encourage Her Interests
Suri is very active and adventurous. I’m constantly coming up with activities to keep her entertained. She absolutely loves being outside, going on walks, going to the park, and bike riding. I need to engage with her continuously. Those who know me know I don’t like being outside, and I am definitely not trying to sweat. But of course, I’m going to get out of my comfort zone to ensure my child is doing an activity she loves. I’m already preparing myself if she has a future interest in soccer; I will be the mom on the sidelines with a huge umbrella, folding chair, and handheld misting fan.
I think it’s important as parents to shepherd our children into activities based on their interest levels and not our convenience. “Full engagement with an activity she loves will allow her to master challenges, which will boost her self-esteem and resilience and affirm intrinsic values rather than appearance,” says Rachel Simmons, author of Odd Girl Out.
Allow Her to Make Decisions
Suri already has strong opinions on what she wants to wear, eat and do. Most mornings, I allow her to pick out her outfit for the day. She already has a good sense of style. There are times she insists on wearing her Doc McStuffins Halloween costume in which I redirect her. I always give Suri choices when it comes to her meal choices. She lights up when she can choose between an apple or orange; she’s very confident in her choices.
Allowing Suri to make constructive choices about her life gives her a voice and confidence. I think this really allows her to come into her own.
Instilling Family Values
As strong Believers in this home, we certainly lead by example. The mornings I don’t wake up early enough, Suri sits with me while I have my devotion, and we have praise and worship playing in the background. She already has a selection of her favorites; anything Tauren Wells is on the top of that list. We say grace at mealtimes and pray at bedtime. More than just the religious rituals, I plan to show her kindness in how I parent her.
Allowing Her to Problem Solve
I think this is certainly the most difficult part for me, having grown up with helicopter parents. But if I take over and try to fix every problem for Suri, she won’t develop the skills she needs to cope when her own difficulties arise. Research has shown that teaching children problem-solving skills can improve their mental health.
Teaching her Beauty is Skin Deep
Before the pandemic, when we could be out in the streets, I would constantly get stopped by well-meaning strangers informing me on how beautiful Suri was. I would get “she looks like a doll” a lot, but of course, what parent doesn’t want to hear their child is beautiful. But the more frequently it happened, I found myself getting a little defensive. Suri is so much more than just her looks, and I would tell these strangers, “thank you, but she’s so smart and funny too.” I plan to teach Suri that while she is a beautiful girl, her true beauty is in her heart.
I love the time I get to spend with Suri, I may not always get it right, but I promise always to show her how to be humble and graceful. Things I’m still working on as an adult powerhouse myself.
